In case you missed the press release—or the TMZ Business Report that ran after Celebrity Plastic Surgery Bloopers—I can confirm the rumors are true. The iPhone 14 is out, and the 17 Pro is in. A formal pickup ceremony is scheduled for next Friday, with remarks, limited questions, and the kind of solemnity this historic upgrade deserves.
When I walk into the grocery store these days, I feel like a traitor. The bright boxes of cereal, the smiling mascots, even the frozen pizzas seem to glare at me, as if they know I’ve turned against them. Once, I shopped these aisles with loyalty; now, I hunt labels for low carbs and hidden sugars, scanning like a detective on foreign soil. It’s strange how food, so ordinary and familiar, can become a battleground. Every cart, every choice, is a small declaration of where my loyalties now lie.